I suppose it might be fitting that I decide to start once again and try this thing called living in the midst of so much death. Death of people who mattered at different times in my life. Death of ideals. Death of friendships over silly things, over crucial things, over things that will lead to more death.
It is today that I have decided to live. It’s going to be hard. I’m in this kind of endless cycle of blood sugar depression that has finally begun to right itself. Ketosis is taking care of the weight issues. Now if I can just get some energy maybe I can continue on in the fight, because I just realized something about the work I’ve done across the art-music-writing field: I am good.
I do not suck. Did I have friends who deterred my progress and made me doubt myself over so much time? Did I listen too much to the authoritarians who want to control what a person can and can’t do under the law of God? Somehow I have to meld the past with the future and create something that will please Him who made me, and in the creative process deliver the message of faith, pain and survival to those who need it through the one delivery system that no one else employs properly: love.
It occurred to me today that I have spent the better part of the last 2-3 years making a career out of watching and analyzing politics, something of which I’m not really that good at. I know that we stand on a precipice that could send our freedom to think spiraling into nothingness. But still there will be a day to fight and a day to lay our arms down and wait upon salvation. In the meantime I will try to bring some music and art to the party once more.
I have one book published. I suppose you could call it volume 1 of many because it is small. It is the first issue of Conversations With No One, and is now available at Amazon. I published it in January of this year shortly after David Bowie died. It hit me, that sitting around on my ass wasn’t really doing anyone any good, and we’re not promised tomorrow.
I hope to finish Araghan’s Watch in the next month and perhaps get it published in January-February. Here’s hoping.
I’ve been listening to some of my music that is coming up on 10 years old and need to come up with a couple good headphone sets along with the right recording software and continue onward. I have spent too long watching the world go by. It’s time to get back on the ride and lay a few more creations out for others to experience.
Perhaps it’s because I finally figured out when it all started, this depression of mine. It wasn’t my fault. But it’s my responsibility now to do something with it.
If anyone out there is interested in knowing me better, I will have my Lady Crimson Rose Facebook page finished soon, and at some point I’ll have my website laurawaesche.com properly linked to this.
I can be heard on Soundlick.com under Lady Crimson Rose or Sybaelle, at Reverbnation under Sybaelle and on Soundcloud. Maybe. I have a profile there but no uploads, so I’ll be working on that. I can still be found on Myspace under Sybaelle and Crimson Mirrors. CM will be phased out as I have just discovered another band that took the name, and I’m not that interested in competitions. Everything at some point will be consolidated into Lady Crimson Rose because she is who most identifies me.
Is there anyone out there?