Posted on

My Death

I died this year. Sometime during the frigid winter temps and the first rains of autumn, I gave up the firm grip that I had held fast to all of the years that led up to the moment that everything began to change. My husband got a job that led to a promotion within a month. We were finally no longer recipients of government assistance. Yes, we had finally reached the poverty level. There is nowhere to go here but up.

Mark 8:34–35

34 And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 35 For whoever would save his life4 will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it.

It seems so simple. It isn’t, at least not for someone like me. I’ve discovered in the past few years that I don’t know what a lot of things mean. I don’t understand the concepts of words. My brain, compensating in the only way it can, simply glosses over it. I don’t focus on the situation, and it never gets worked out. I avoid many things that present themselves as obstacles in my mind. Obstacles take me away from the orderly mess of my thoughts. Obstacles are to be run away from at the highest speed possible. Obstacles are dragons. “Don’t go there. That way be dragons.”

So I’ve spent most of my life trying to overcompensate for my inability to function on an intellectual level. The funny thing is…God isn’t looking for intellectuals to work for him. Intelligence and reason are an impediment to His work. They keep people from believing in faith and what it can do for the lost souls of this world.

Being an intellectual is the worst thing that can happen to you. The world wants you to conform. You must have an appropriate education with the right field to study so that you can find the right job, the right spouse, the right house with the right cars and 1.8 children. This is a goal that will ultimately lead to the death of us. We have been set up in society to brilliantly fail, and yet those of us who can’t figure it out are ostracized and looked down on.

By the way, I have 3 kids, so I’m not opting for wiping myself out.

Who is right? The world’s view? Only the devil is interested in wiping us out before we can get a chance to figure it out. So…we’re at the poverty level. We’ve given up the world, our lives, to focus better on God. Our Father, our Saviour, our Comforter. Because we finally figured out how to look away from all the pretty toys and find that Jesus is all we need.

Since discovering this amazing revelation, we find ourselves able to crawl out of the dark world that consisted of death and destruction, where our belongings disappeared, where our car was taken, where our dignity was taken from us to a place where we’re well liked in the town that we live. Where we can pay our bills. Where we can help others with abandon to our joy. Where God sees the heart and acts accordingly.

Where we can live abundantly. God really does provide all, you just have to want to do it His way. No matter how crazy it looks and forget about what the world sees. The world is not our salvation. It never will be.

2 Corinthians 9:6-7

The Cheerful Giver

6 The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully[a] will also reap bountifully. 7 Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.


romans 6-23


About ladycrimsonrose

I am a creator and visionary. I use my artistic and writing skills to put to life my thoughts and dreams.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s